Mommy, Mommy! Can I Please Have a Turnip?

      I flipped on the TV last night to veg-out for a few minutes before going to bed. I found myself watching some show called “Cupcake Wars.” Based on the name, I was expecting to see a food fight. Au contraire. It was just another show about people being idiots on TV.

     What was really depressing is that three pastry ‘chefs’ were competing by making three kinds of cupcakes to be sampled by the obligatory ‘panel of judges’ — obviously people who can’t keep a real job. What caught my attention was when one of the chefs was describing one of the cupcakes he was going to make (and did)  — cupcakes made with the added ingredients of — wait for it —- sauerkraut and beer!

     I figured the first time he said it was a joke. When he repeated the ingredients and started pulling the sauerkraut out of the jar and mixing it into the batter, I knew that this Chef had been sampling a little too much of the cooking sherry (or perhaps the beer — no, that went into the batter, too. Oh, well.)

      Yep, cupcakes, iced no less, made with sauerkraut and beer. (As if that wasn’t enough, in one of his other cupcakes he used tomato soup.) Can you imagine?  He should have added some nuts, too, cause he obviously has enough in his head to make a full-sized fruitcake!

      Can you imagine some poor kid at his/her birthday party? Mommy had this famous chef make cupcakes especially for her little ‘cupcake’. All fancy and iced. Pretty decorations on them. And then, the poor little tike takes a bite.

       This is where we get that famous phrase — “Gag me with a stick!” Actually, a stick would be a much better choice. And, oh, the embarrassment for the little birthday child. All his/her friends seated around the table as he/she proceeds to puke all over the presents. And then, the little person makes the further mistake of grabbing a different cupcake to try to get rid of the bad taste of the first one, only to find that the second taste like Campbell’s soup.

       I hope this isn’t a trend in the evolution of the cupcake. I shudder to think of a child in 2020 pleading, “Oh, please, please, please Mommy? Can we get the turnip and horseradish cupcakes this year? Susie’s Mom got them for her party and I’ll just be a laughing stock if I don’t have them at mine!”

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